What Do You Believe?

[Edward R. Cozzi]

Gore, Bill Clinton and Barack Obama go to heaven...


God addresses Al first...

''Al, what do you believe in?''







Al replies: "Well, I believe that I won that election,
but that it was your will that I did not serve.
I've come to understand that now.''


God thinks for a second and says:
"Very good. Come and sit at my left.''


God then addresses Bill.

"Bill, what do you believe in?''







Bill replies: "I believe in forgiveness.

I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me.''


God thinks for a second and says:
"You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right.''



Then God addresses Barack.

"Barack, what do you believe in?''




He replies: "I believe you're in my chair."

 

[fund razor]

I believe I'll have another beer.

 

[Dude! Sweet!]

...and TWINS!

:sifone:

 

[jayboat]

I believe you need funnier jokes. :seeya:

 

[catastrophe]

OK This one is funnier

A bus full of nuns gets hit by a train as they are crossing some tracks.
They all died.

As St. Peter is receiving them he asked each a question as they passed through the Pearly Gates.

There was a line up and they each took their turn.

" So, sister Mary Clare , have you ever had any experience with male genitals?" asked Peter.

"Yes father" she said, " But I only touched the tip"
" Your penance is putting one finger in the Holy Water dear"

" Go through" he said as he waved the second nun in line to come closer.

" Well sister Grace , what about you,have you had experiences with the male genitillia"

" Yes , I have sir, but I only fondled the shaft."

"Oh my " said Peter " Then in that case please submerse your whole hand in the Holy Water and go on through"

Suddenly there is a disturbance at the back of the line and a very disturbed nun pushed her way right up to St. Peter.

" My oh my Sarah Beth, what is the matter, why are you so impatient?" he asked.

" Well father, if I'm going to be expected to gargle that water , I'm doing it before Mary Margaret dips her azz in it !!!!!!!!!!

Thats funnier

 

[Expensive Date]

I laughed at both the same if it matters.

 

[catastrophe]

I laughed at both the same if it matters.

Yeah...but mine wasn't a true story.

 

[Edward R. Cozzi]

I believe you need funnier jokes. :seeya:

Surely you found that SOTU speech amusing last night? Sort of like "Fantasy Island" or "Land of the Lost".

President teleprompter lies so well he appears to believe his own BS.

You CAN'T possibly believe the dems are not actively attempting to destroy this country. I KNOW you're smarter than that.

 

[Edward R. Cozzi]

OK This one is funnier

A bus full of nuns gets hit by a train as they are crossing some tracks.
They all died.

As St. Peter is receiving them he asked each a question as they passed through the Pearly Gates.

There was a line up and they each took their turn.

" So, sister Mary Clare , have you ever had any experience with male genitals?" asked Peter.

"Yes father" she said, " But I only touched the tip"
" Your penance is putting one finger in the Holy Water dear"

" Go through" he said as he waved the second nun in line to come closer.

" Well sister Grace , what about you,have you had experiences with the male genitillia"

" Yes , I have sir, but I only fondled the shaft."

"Oh my " said Peter " Then in that case please submerse your whole hand in the Holy Water and go on through"

Suddenly there is a disturbance at the back of the line and a very disturbed nun pushed her way right up to St. Peter.

" My oh my Sarah Beth, what is the matter, why are you so impatient?" he asked.

" Well father, if I'm going to be expected to gargle that water , I'm doing it before Mary Margaret dips her azz in it !!!!!!!!!!

Thats funnier

You better hope the athiests are right so you don't have to answer to the BIG GUY about dirty jokes about His nuns!

 

[catastrophe]

Jay....I'd like to introduce you to Steves brother.

 

[catastrophe]

You better hope the athiests are right so you don't have to answer to the BIG GUY about dirty jokes about His nuns!

He wont get mad at me. I let him sit in my seat.:cheers2:

 

[DAREDEVIL]

Yeah...but mine wasn't a true story.

OUCH, that left a mark..LOL:sifone:

 

[Expensive Date]

He wont get mad at me. I let him sit in my seat.:cheers2:

Were was Stecz I thought he was supposed to be sitting there.

 

[phragle]

you kow you were really drunk in key west, when the next day your trying to figure out if you screwed a nun or a penguin.......

 

[DAREDEVIL]

All i can say is ..............

 

[fund razor]

You better hope the athiests are right so you don't have to answer to the BIG GUY about dirty jokes about His nuns!

He should stay away from railroads for a while, anyway.
And people who are close with lots of nuns, some of whom are as much as 100 years old and like grandma to them.

 

[jayboat]

All i can say is ..............

That's the biggest joke on this thread.

 

[jayboat]

Three Texas plastic surgeons were playing golf together and discussing surgeries they had performed.

One of them said, "I'm the best plastic surgeon in Texas. A concert pianist lost 7 fingers in an accident, I reattached them, and 8 months later he performed a private concert for the Queen of England."

One of the others said. "That's nothing. A young man lost both arms and legs in an accident, I reattached them, and 2 years later he won a gold medal in 5 field events in the Olympics."

The third surgeon said, "You guys are amateurs. Several years ago a cowboy who was high on cocaine and alcohol rode a horse head-on into a train traveling 80 miles an hour. All I had left to work with was the horse's ass and a cowboy hat. Now he's president of the United States."

 

[Chris]

Surely you found that SOTU speech amusing last night? Sort of like "Fantasy Island" or "Land of the Lost".

President teleprompter lies so well he appears to believe his own BS.

You CAN'T possibly believe the dems are not actively attempting to destroy this country. I KNOW you're smarter than that.

Yeah- like it was any different than any other State of the Union speech. Or any speech that any politician has ever given. They're politicians. And almost all of them are lawyers too.

 

[catastrophe]

He should stay away from railroads for a while, anyway.
And people who are close with lots of nuns, some of whom are as much as 100 years old and like grandma to them.

The largest Catholic retreat for nuns in our province is my next door neighbour. I volunteer and work beside them 5 times a year doing gardening in a Peace Garden nearby.

Dont have to worry about their sense of humour.

Albeit there is no discussion about genitillia, but for a group of folks that arent exposed to mainstream society's daily grind, they are very much WITH IT.