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Texts From Last Night

(210): I just want to hang out with her.
(916): You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
 
Dollabill said:
thats a classic
Click to expand...

Bit I think this trumps them all (I think I know this girl...):

(505): I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some *******s who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
 
(407): Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
 
(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
 
(407): At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
 
(908): I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
 
(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
:rofl:
 
(610) I berokee myh thumbb in a patrton accident so teextinn is not soo good. On the upsid, my gaggel of 22yolds is at deffcon 4....
 
This one's for Cash....


(512): did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
:sifone:
 
X-Rated30 said:
This one's for Cash....


(512): did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
:sifone:
Click to expand...

Ha! Ha! Ha! Oh man... we had the last day of preschool picnic last week and I saw a little kid wearing a kids Ed Hardy sweatshirt and thought the exact same thing! :rofl:
 
(905): She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
(416): Got yourself a keeper right there.
 
(845): If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.

This one seemed really awesome to me until it occurred to me that it's probably a guy...
 
This made me cry with laughter... Way to keep it real 714!

(818): Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
(714): Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
(818): Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
 
X-Rated30 said:
This one's for Cash....


(512): did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
:sifone:
Click to expand...

Never have, nor will, own that crap. General Lee on the other hand...:willy_nilly:
 
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