Dateline Washington DC................... 9/9/09 1:15 PM
A spokesman for the Obama administration, ex-Chicago gang banger Linoleum Muhammed, announced today that the White House is taking "swift, decisive action" in dealing with the "outrageous" battle currently waging between the United States Coast Guard and the Oklahoma National Guard in Maryland. The President is "personally and on behalf of the American people" apologizing to the President of Iran, the King of Saudi Arabia, and the North Korean and Chinese People's Republics for these and other "shameful intimidation tactics" perpetrated by the United States both today and in past decades. The President, responding to "viscious smear tactics" from the far right, average taxpaying citizens, mothers, policemen, and other "fringe radical elements", stopped short of using the term "Great Satan" when referring to the U.S. Early draft texts of his speech included this label as well as frequent use of the term "infidel swine" when referring to "the dogs and jackals who used to run this country". Obama's spokesmen fervently disavowed any knowledge by the President of that version of the speech and placed the blame for the miscue on Tire Inflation Czar, Charles Manson....who when reached by phone at Leavenworth ...immediately resigned his post. Mister Obama did refer to Mister Manson, when questioned, with the categorical statement that he has used so successfully in the past..."I have no idea how he got into my administration, and that's a fact." This seemed to satisfy network anchors Katie Colic and Charles Glibson, but Oprah Windmill is scheduling a live interview with "Charlie" as his followers call him. "I think it's time we gave Mister Manson his release" she gushed. "After all , he's paid his debt to society, and the White House needs his passion."
In a separate conversation the President was asked why he didn't simply order the two segments of the U.S. military to stand down and return to their respective HQ's. "Can I do that?" he replied while searching nervously about for some kind of detailed printed response. The assembled, adoring reporters then reminded him of his title as Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. Armed Forces, to which he replied: "I am?...well how about that!"
More at 11..........
- Reported by Gilmartin Peevish, (PNN)Pravda News Network