Oklahoma National Guard cancels truce with Quebec

[T2x]

Oklahoma National Guard cancels truce with Quebec over "Sea Doo" incident.

Dateline Tulsa....

July 10th 2009... 9:00 AM

The Oklahoma National Guard has once again mobilized all units and is preparing for a major offensive against the Province Of Quebec.

After a shaky truce lasting almost 4 years the Oklahoma National Guard is once again preparing for a full scale attack on Quebec.

For history see http://www.offshoreonly.com/forums/bilge/76660-oklahoma-quebec-war-update.html

A boating incident in Maryland involving a yacht, "Sea Doo For Dad", tentatively identified as belonging to an heir to the Bombardier family fortune, has set off a series of reversals in the shaky treaty between a primarily rural southwestern state and the French speaking Canadian province. "Them A-Rabs ain't gonna get away with this again. Everytime we turn around they're either dissing the National Anthem at Hockey games or speeding through our waterways!!! It's all part of the big terrorist stuff that's been goin' on for too long!!" said Major Nelson Quicktemper, Oklahoma's highest ranking Guard officer, and a one quarter Cherokee (as most of the state's population claims to be) . "The last time we let 'em off easy when our boys got lost near Memphis in that adult dance club!" he added. When reminded that Quebec is a French Canadian Province and not an Arab country he shouted: "What's the difference, they're all Muslims or Haitians anyhow ain't they?"

The past conflict was resolved when legendary football coach, Barry Switzer, acting as an intermediary, helped recruit a player from Quebec, Pierre "The Frog" Fondue, an amazing athlete who starred at OU for three seasons before being expelled after trying to "fertilize eggs" during the womens' swim team practice at the University pool. "I don't care if Switzer finds 100 Heisman trophy winning Iguana's in Montreal, this time we mean to destroy them terrorists!" Quicktemper shouted. The Major then asked bystanders where exactly Quebec is. "We know it's on the other side of Arkansas, but we had some trouble with directions the last time."

On a related note the Governor of Arkansas, Stuart "Stinky" Pile was quoted as saying..."Here we go again... I really wish those dumb*sses would declare war on California for cryin' out loud! Then New Mexico could deal with all the drunken yahoos!"

The Governor of New Mexico, Cuthbert Desitin, would only say "Go Sooners!" in response.

More at 11:00

 

[Wobble]

LOL, I'm all for an invasion of Quebec, as long as it's during the summer months.

 

[bulletbob]

I needed that!!! I'm gearing up to support the invasion on those Canadian Arab basteges!

 

[WARPARTY36]

That's right, you don't mess with the 45th Infantry Division Thunderbirds:USA:

Oklahomans are just mad that we can't buy hi-point beer:willy_nilly:

Kick our state in the nuts all you want, but don't talk about our SOONERS:boxing_smiley::rofl::26:

 

[waterboy222]

"The last time we let 'em off easy when our boys got lost near Memphis in that adult dance club!" he added.

Happens to the best of us....

 

[RebarBox]

...Oklahoma's highest ranking Guard officer, and a one quarter Cherokee (as most of the state's population claims to be) .

:sifone:

Circle the fuk'in wagons, circle the wagons now damn it!

 

[masher44]

:willy_nilly:

 

[bluellama]

I have room, and 2 fridges full of beer, if E Dock needs a forward staging area for the invasion. You can almost see the border from here....

 

[ApachePete]

Good stuff!

Keep it comiung, Rich.

 

[Cash Bar]

You can almost see the border from here....

What? Are you the Sarah Palin of Canada? :USA:

 

[glh]

...The Governor of New Mexico, Cuthbert Desitin, would only say "Go Sooners!" in response.

An obvious tragedy...

 

[C5Steve]

 

[Tom A.]

Apparently they have a second ship as well and are looking for recruits!

 

[Joe549]

Oh give me a break.... Canada has a larger Navy than that. I mean, the HMCS Cataraqui Naval Reserve unit in Kingston alone has at lease 3 of these. Mind you, they can only be equipped with the .30cal machine gun OR the 1/4 hp trolling motor, not both..

 

[L-V]

Oh give me a break.... Canada has a larger Navy than that. I mean, the HMCS Cataraqui Naval Reserve unit in Kingston alone has at lease 3 of these. Mind you, they can only be equipped with the .30cal machine gun OR the 1/4 hp trolling motor, not both..

The fleet is Powered by MotorGuide, built in Tulsa,Oklahoma.

 

[bluellama]

At least we never let these guys recruit for us .... :26::26:

 

[BlackJack58]

You'd better be more careful - our agents spotted the Canadian's submarine heading out onto Lake Ontario...

 

[T2x]

Dateline Tulsa 7/20/09 1PM CDT

Major Nelson Quicktemper, Commander of the Oklahoma (pronounced "Okelhomer" in rural parts of the state) National Guard, issued a terse statement from a classified location on the road to Quebec.

"We are making good time and we have proper GPS and navigational data. We crossed successfully through the Okefenokee swamp and are currently camped along a major interstate highway. Signs on the highway indicate that we are "350 miles from "South of The Border". The A-rabs have cleverly planted spies all around us who insist that we are in Eastern Georgia but we're too smart to fall for that nonsense. This can't be Georgia because the barbecue is nothing that any sane southerner would call acceptable, besides all the locals talk with a lisp so we must be near NEW YORK. A sign says "Gay Pride Resort", another clever ruse designed to throw us off the track, no doubt. I will say that some of the women are the biggest harriest things I have ever seen....it must be the cold Canadian winters....but dang, they have deep voices!...and shoulders like line backers. I asked one of them, who calls herself "Lipsyncha" where we could get some seafood and all she would say was a bunch of sailors are expected shortly. Then she went back to rehearsing bad Barbra Streisand songs.

My men are home sick...but still full of spirit...many of them are actually dancing...and Lord knows what else...with some of these ugly women! For some reason a strange hysteria has hit a few of them who were seen running bare *ssed naked out of the camp sites screaming "MA MA!!!!!" after a night of mischief with the ladies. My boys are ready for a rumble and them A-Rab, French Canucks better be shakin' in their hi fallutin' boots."

-Lester Leftwing (joint network reporter imbedded in the Oklahoma National Guard)

 

[C_Spray]

T2x gets all the inside information first.....

 

[T2x]

Dateline Valleyfield, Quebec 7/21/09 10 AM EDT.

A provocative statement has been issued by Brigade Commander Gordon "Gord" La Toulouse, Adjutant General of the Quebec Army de la Provence, and Supreme Commander of the Quebecois division of the Boy Scouts of Canada. "We weeel fight to zee death against any incursion on our hallow-ed soil. We have amassed an army of dozens along zee entire borders of NY, Vermont, and New Hampshire (The Maine border is considered too far from any form of civilization to warrant attention). Oklahoma has made zees false charges against one of our most rever-ed families, zee heirs to zee Count and Countess Bombardier, and we are outrag-ed. Any attempt to enter our sovereign nation---er---- provence will be met by swift and terrible justice. Our Navy surface vessel is prepar-ed, our single man attack submarine is deploy-ed, our Air Force plane is fuel-ed and waiting, and our tank is almost repair-ed after zee minor explosion in last week's "war game". it is fitting zat all of our attack equipment is made by zee Bombardier companies. Nussing can cross zee bord-air." After questions were raised that there is very little water along the state borders for the two naval vessels to patrol, Commander La Toulouse became defiant. " Do you not sink zat Lake Champlain could not be us-ed to attack our flank?????" When reminded that "Champ" the legendary sea monster and relative of "Nessie" from Loch Ness had apparently batted the Quebec submarine around like a soccer ball in a World Cup match last year during maneuvers in the lake, the Commander replied: "We have cured zat problem....We will feed him canned salmon and inlist him in our cause!" He added " We have had enough talk! Oklahoma has taken our best athlete, violated our treaty, and made jokes about our culture. Do you zink zat we will not retaliate...eh???? Do you zink zat we are not men.....eh????? You call us "frogs" and joke about our army. Well look around you. See zee fi-aire that our 122 enlisted men and 36,000 Boy Scouts have in their eyes....eh??? Do zay look like frogs to you....eh??? Now you must pardon me as we are preparing a large meal for zem....... perhaps you will join us....eh???? How do you like your flies prepar-ed?"

-reported by Sincerity Shampoo, left leaning correspondent for CNN imbedded in the French Republican Operational Guardian Squadron ( FROGS)