Texts From Last Night

[ChiefApache]

(515)efinitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
(1-515):
What the fvck were you doing at wal mart?

Nice!

[LAriverratt]

(303) saint D looking bad...get ready to pay up big boy!!
(303) damn saints D...checks is in the mail... congratulations I'll be homeless next week!!

[jayboat]

(702):

When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.

(1-702):

I've always been the spiritual type.

[phragle]

(419): You have become rather infamous amongst my friends...

(734): OMG I don't want to know seriously I really honestly don't remember. I blacked out. I mean is it real bad or what?


Wonder who's phone that was on

[insanity]

Even if this one has been posted its still killer:

(803):
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

(520):
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"

(757):
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.

[insanity]

(770):
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.

[Sammyb713]

Even if this one has been posted its still killer:

(803):
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

That just made my morning! Funny stuff!

[jayboat]

740):

Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.

[LaughingCat]

How dare anyone let this thread reach page two. Jay, look alive over there.


(914):

My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
(845):

She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?

(914):

well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey

[LaughingCat]

(218):

Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
(320):

You know how I know you're gay?

[LaughingCat]

(408):

you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face

[LaughingCat]

(402):

she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
(1-402):

you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.

[LaughingCat]

(208):

dude skip the party. it is a ****ing post office here
(1-208):

what the hell does that mean?

(208):

nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages

[jayboat]

(201):
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fvck me without a condom. happy vday baby.

[insanity]

(805):
you ****ing puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.

[jayboat]

(813):

yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

[insanity]

(412):
How the **** did I get small bruises all over my body?

(1-412):
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't **** my girl while I'm taking a ****

[LaughingCat]

(602):

I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
(623):

You mean Doughnuts?

(602):

......No

[LaughingCat]

(318):

why is allison so mad at me??
(469):

me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".

(318):

crap..

[LaughingCat]

(859):

you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.