Texts From Last Night

[LaughingCat]

And my area code:
(813):

We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.







(858):

I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.

[LaughingCat]

(503):

Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were

[jayboat]

I take one little break and this place goes to sh!t.

(520):

Clearly I made an impression.

(404):

Or at least your vagina did.

[LaughingCat]

(973):

so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement

[LaughingCat]

(614):

Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"

[jayboat]

(214):

he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true

(775):

before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

(850):

Tonight I'm going to find a sexy ski instructor, and I'm going to wax his fvckin' pole.

(424):

Mom?

[jayboat]

(847):

You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.

[jayboat]

(518):

i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again

[jayboat]

(330):

When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...

[jayboat]

(719):

I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.

[jayboat]

(973):

he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.

[jayboat]

(203):

On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.

[jayboat]

(781):

im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose

[LaughingCat]

(989):

i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.






(585):

you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated

[LaughingCat]

(862):

found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"




(320):

For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.

[LaughingCat]

(609):

girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.





(309):

I knew we were gonna **** after she told me she's seen that Porno before

[LaughingCat]

(317):

and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way






(+52):

that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.

[LaughingCat]

(518):

you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"

[LaughingCat]

Jay, I'm less than 100 texts behind you. Stay sharp!

Jon

[DollaBill]

(330):

When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...

Sounds like something that may come up at my sons 21st bday party in Vegas