Only in the Keys

[Bobcat]

KEY WEST, Fla. - Police officers are sworn to serve and protect. Sometimes that means they're supposed to protect us from ourselves.

Officers with the Key West Police Department had probably thought they had seen it all... until they saw this.

More Weird News Headlines
Man cited after alligator foot found in dashboard, FWC says
Woman gets revenge on cheating spouse by spray-painting his Range Rover
The department received a call Tuesday morning to help a woman stuck in a tree that she attempted to climb.

Not "in" the tree like a cat on a branch.

But IN the tree.

According to the department's Facebook page, officer Scott Standerwick and the a Fire Rescue unit responded after learning that a local woman (yes, she actually lives in Key West) was stuck inside a giant banyan tree.




The photo shows the woman wedged in the branches of the tree, thankfully hiding what is sure to be her embarrassed face.

Officer Standerwick and the others were eventually able to free her from her tree torture.






"They popped her out like a cork," a Key West Police Department spokesperson told Local 10.

[rschap1]

Looking for the Keebler Elves???

[Bobcat]

Marathon man enters sheriff race
BY ADAM LINHARDT Citizen Staff
alinhardt@keysnews.com
A 44-year-old Marathon man with a checkered past with the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office has thrown his hat into the ring for sheriff.

Independent Kevin Wolszczak is looking to upset incumbent Republican Rick Ramsay in the Nov. 8 General Election.

Wolszczak did not return phone calls seeking comment Thursday. Wolszczak does not have any law enforcement employment history in Florida, according to the Florida Department of Law Enforcement.

Wolszczak has had multiple run-ins with law enforcement, notably the Sheriff’s Office, dating to last year that include yelling at various store clerks — one of which led to his arrest in March — and run-ins with neighbors who he claimed were shooting firearms, which deputies later determined to be firecrackers, according to myriad Sheriff’s Office reports.

Wolszczak was most recently arrested on March 3 at a drug store on Big Pine Key when he reportedly spit on a store clerk, reports say.

The clerk asked Wolszczak to remove sunglasses so she could properly identify him, given he was buying alcohol, when he became irate and cursed the woman, reports say. During the exchange he reportedly claimed to be ex-military, a retired congressman and a lawyer.

As he was leaving the store, he reportedly spit on the clerk, which a Sheriff’s Office deputy saw in a store video. Wolszczak was arrested shortly thereafter on a misdemeanor battery charge that remains pending in court.

On March 12, deputies were called to Wolszczak’s residence regarding a shots fired call. He claimed a neighbor had fired a gun and that he was not going to be intimidated, reports say. Deputies later determined that neighbors had blew up a firecracker in an effort to get Wolszczak to turn down rock music that he had been loudly playing, reports say.

There were no arrests in the case.

On Feb. 25, deputies were called to Wolszczak’s residence in Marathon after receiving reports that he was causing a disturbance and claimed to be armed with a gun, reports say. In that incident, deputies put the SWAT team on alert and readied spike strips after Wolszczak got into his vehicle and drove behind the house, reports say.

It was later determined that he was not armed. He was not arrested in that incident.

Ramsay declined to comment.

Wolszczak has until noon, June 24 to qualify for the race. He must pay $4,775 in order to qualify for the November election, according to the Monroe County Supervisor of Elections office. He missed the May deadline to file signatures to qualify to run and now must pay the $4,775 in order to run.

alinhardt@keysnews.com

[Ratickle]

It appears he has all of the qualifications to become a career politician.....

[Bobcat]

NT
SPORTS & OUTDOORS
OPINION
FISHING & DIVING
News
Bar brawl breaks out, breaking wind, broken shoulder: 'The argument was due to someone farting.'
BY GWEN FILOSA
gfilosa@keynoter.comJune 11, 2016
FacebookTwitterFollowGoogle PlusMoreLINKEDINREDDITYOUTUBEE-MAILPRINTORDER A REPRINT OF THIS STORY


In this bar fight at one of Key West's most famous watering holes, it wasn't a spilled drink or sleazy advance on someone's wife that led to blows.

According to the police report, a fight broke out between two couples this week when someone, who Friday remained unidentified, allegedly broke wind inside Sloppy Joe's, 201 Duval St.

"The argument was due to someone farting," police were told by a man who went to the hospital for a dislocated shoulder after the Monday night scrap.

Richard McBride, 53, and his girlfriend Sandra Stoner, 55, both of Naples, said they were caught up in a physical altercation after the argument arose "over a fart," Officer Igor Kasyanenko wrote.

The couple said they were drinking with friends at the bar when Stoner traded words with an unidentified woman before getting out of her seat and confronting her in "an aggressive manner," police said.

An unidentified man tried to pull the woman away as others began to step into the dispute, including McBride, who pushed the man, police said. The man retaliated by striking McBride in the face and McBride responded by tackling, Stoner told police.

The unidentified couple took off and police said they couldn't find them. Later at Lower Keys Medical Center, McBride said he didn't want to pursue charges and signed a release form.

[Ratickle]

Must have been a really quality fart!! Who said, "Fart's are the ghosts of what we've eaten"?

[Bobcat]

Hat Trick !

Drunken man with no license crashes stolen car
MARATHON — A drunken man from Dundee with a suspended driver’s license stole a truck from Big Pine Key and crashed it in Marathon early Friday, according to Monroe County Sheriff’s Office.

Kevin Andrey Nunez, 22, was charged with DUI, DUI involving a crash with property damage, driving with a license suspended and grand theft auto.

[Ratickle]

Hat trick, plus one?

[Bobcat]

Woman: Pokemon Go leads to fight
KEY WEST — Police responded to a fight between two women in Old Town Wednesday that one of them claimed was over the popular smartphone game Pokemon Go, according to an incident report.

There were no arrests as the woman who was punched in the mouth declined to press charges.

[Ratickle]

So they were playing PokeWomon?

[Bobcat]

Man threatens to kill police with rifle
CITIZEN STAFF
A 21-year-old Hawaiian man accused of telling Key West police officers that he was going to kill them with an AR-15 rifle was arrested Sunday, according to an incident report.

Suspect Austin Wayne King reportedly “told me I was going to be on CNN after he killed me,” Officer Michael Andruzzi wrote in his report. Antonio Averlio was also reportedly threatened.

[Ratickle]

Did he have an AR15?

[Bobcat]

Prolly not.

[Bobcat]

(Must have been big Dan)


Police: Man attacked with tree branch
CITIZEN STAFF
A 69-year-old homeless man was arrested Monday after he hit another homeless man in the head with a tree branch, according to Key West police.

Calvin Alexander Jackson was charged with felony aggravated battery.

The incident occurred about 4 p.m. on the 2800 block of North Roosevelt Boulevard near Home Depot, reports say.

Jackson told police that he hit
Wayne Lee Golden, 38, because
Golden kissed his girl and called
him a racial slur, reports say.
“I came back and took care of
my business,” Jackson sad.

[Bobcat]

Key West love story
KEY WEST — A woman became enraged and beat up her lover because he would not “play with her butt” on Thursday according to what one man told police.

There were no arrests as each declined to press charges.

[Ratickle]

How the heck are we supposed to judge who's at fault if you don't put up some pics of her butt?????

[Ratickle]

Well, we're waiting...

[Bobcat]

This doesn't paint a very pretty picture

MCSO: Man threatens wife with shotgun
STOCK ISLAND — A 51-year-old man accused of threatening his wife with a sawed-off shotgun was arrested Monday night, according to the Monroe County Sheriff’s Office.

Benjamin Moore was charged with four felony counts of possession of weapon and ammunition by a convicted felon, felony possession of a short-barreled shotgun, rifle or machine gun.

[rschap1]

"THE" Benjamin Moore???

[Bobcat]

Monday, August 22, 2016Decrease text sizeIncrease text size
Man tries to wake friend with fire alarm
A Lakeland man who was trying to get into the hotel room of a passed-out friend pulled a fire alarm in an attempt to wake him, as well as other hotel guests, according to reports from Key West Police.