Texts From Last Night

[MacGyver]

(724):
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.

[MacGyver]

(724):
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.

[MacGyver]

(910):
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.

[MacGyver]

(401):
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song

[MacGyver]

(519):
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.

[MacGyver]

(217):
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.

[MacGyver]

(515):
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"

[MacGyver]

(517):
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.

[jayboat]

(704):

she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

[Wrinkleface]

(704):

she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"

she's a poet & don't know it!

[LaughingCat]

(201):

I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.

[LaughingCat]

(727):

I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?

[LaughingCat]

(815):

I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.

[LaughingCat]

(812):

Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started

[LaughingCat]

(440):

Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.

[LaughingCat]

(305):

If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.

[jayboat]

(519):

I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.

(281):

he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."

(316):

i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?

[MacGyver]

(845):
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!

(1-845):
then get some ugly ones...

[MacGyver]

(608):
he ate out my ass, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.

[MacGyver]

(203):
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.