Texts From Last Night

[MacGyver]

(860):
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.

[MacGyver]

(484):
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts

[MacGyver]

(440):
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.

[MacGyver]

(808):
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.

[MacGyver]

(703):
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.

(1-703):
Wasn't he an English major?

[MacGyver]

(206):
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.

[MacGyver]

(508):
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it

[MacGyver]

(979):
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?

[MacGyver]

(614):
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.

[Madpoodle]

(970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

(303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

[Seafordguy]

Can we hear from anyone else that really enjoys this thread?

I'm glad you guys are reposting them - I check seriousoffshore at work, but don't feel comfortable checking texts from last night so this is the best way to get the good ones!!

[MacGyver]

(401):
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well

[MacGyver]

(612):
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?

[MacGyver]

(303):
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze

[MacGyver]

(413):
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.

[MacGyver]

(954):
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had

[MacGyver]

(207):
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea

(1-207):
probs a good idea

(207):
i like the whole idea of life and being alive

(1-207):
you sure you're not high?

[MacGyver]

(973):
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.

[MacGyver]

(217):
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"

[MacGyver]

(714):
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker