Texts From Last Night

[MacGyver]

OK I'm done for awhile. Happy Thanksgiving everyone

Find more at http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/

[endeavor1]

(803): What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.

[endeavor1]

(817): i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night

[endeavor1]

(586): My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.

[endeavor1]

901): Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.

[endeavor1]

Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"

[endeavor1]

02): WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
(1-902): I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
(1-902): I love tequila.

[endeavor1]

(212): so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before

[endeavor1]

(937): Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it

[Cash Bar]

Story of my life.

(985): I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies

[Cash Bar]

(319): I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.

[Cash Bar]

(918): i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning.

[Cash Bar]

(812): I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.

[jayboat]

(414): i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome

(314): i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating

(908): did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.

[LaughingCat]

i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.

[LaughingCat]

(567): i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style

[LaughingCat]

(734): You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.

[jayboat]

(402): Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.

[DonziGirl]

(715): he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.

[DonziGirl]

(941): i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head


Seriously - out of all of you guys - who knows what a bumpit is?