Oklahoma National Guard cancels truce with Quebec

[T2x]

Dateline Tulsa....

July 10th 2009... 9:00 AM

The Oklahoma National Guard has once again mobilized all units and is preparing for a major offensive against the Province Of Quebec.

After a shaky truce lasting almost 4 years the Oklahoma National Guard is once again preparing for a full scale attack on Quebec.

For history see http://www.offshoreonly.com/forums/bilge/76660-oklahoma-quebec-war-update.html

A boating incident in Maryland involving a yacht, "Sea Doo For Dad", tentatively identified as belonging to an heir to the Bombardier family fortune, has set off a series of reversals in the shaky treaty between a primarily rural southwestern state and the French speaking Canadian province. "Them A-Rabs ain't gonna get away with this again. Everytime we turn around they're either dissing the National Anthem at Hockey games or speeding through our waterways!!! It's all part of the big terrorist stuff that's been goin' on for too long!!" said Major Nelson Quicktemper, Oklahoma's highest ranking Guard officer, and a one quarter Cherokee (as most of the state's population claims to be) . "The last time we let 'em off easy when our boys got lost near Memphis in that adult dance club!" he added. When reminded that Quebec is a French Canadian Province and not an Arab country he shouted: "What's the difference, they're all Muslims or Haitians anyhow ain't they?"

The past conflict was resolved when legendary football coach, Barry Switzer, acting as an intermediary, helped recruit a player from Quebec, Pierre "The Frog" Fondue, an amazing athlete who starred at OU for three seasons before being expelled after trying to "fertilize eggs" during the womens' swim team practice at the University pool. "I don't care if Switzer finds 100 Heisman trophy winning Iguana's in Montreal, this time we mean to destroy them terrorists!" Quicktemper shouted. The Major then asked bystanders where exactly Quebec is. "We know it's on the other side of Arkansas, but we had some trouble with directions the last time."

On a related note the Governor of Arkansas, Stuart "Stinky" Pile was quoted as saying..."Here we go again... I really wish those dumb*sses would declare war on California for cryin' out loud! Then New Mexico could deal with all the drunken yahoos!"

The Governor of New Mexico, Cuthbert Desitin, would only say "Go Sooners!" in response.

More at 11:00

[Wobble]

LOL, I'm all for an invasion of Quebec, as long as it's during the summer months.

[bulletbob]

I needed that!!! I'm gearing up to support the invasion on those Canadian Arab basteges!

[WARPARTY36]

That's right, you don't mess with the 45th Infantry Division Thunderbirds:USA:

Oklahomans are just mad that we can't buy hi-point beer:willy_nilly:

Kick our state in the nuts all you want, but don't talk about our SOONERS:boxing_smiley::rofl::26:

[waterboy222]

"The last time we let 'em off easy when our boys got lost near Memphis in that adult dance club!" he added.


Happens to the best of us....:(

[RebarBox]

...Oklahoma's highest ranking Guard officer, and a one quarter Cherokee (as most of the state's population claims to be) .


:sifone:

Circle the fuk'in wagons, circle the wagons now damn it!

[masher44]

:willy_nilly:

[bluellama]

I have room, and 2 fridges full of beer, if E Dock needs a forward staging area for the invasion. You can almost see the border from here.... :D :D

[ApachePete]

Good stuff!

Keep it comiung, Rich.

[Cash Bar]

You can almost see the border from here.... :D :D

What? Are you the Sarah Palin of Canada? :USA:

[glh]

...The Governor of New Mexico, Cuthbert Desitin, would only say "Go Sooners!" in response. http://www.independent.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00171/pg-36-deluise-ap_171011s.jpgAn obvious tragedy...

[C5Steve]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i315/Murcielago_01/canadiannavy-1-1.jpg

[Tom A.]

Apparently they have a second ship as well and are looking for recruits!

[Joe549]

http://i75.photobucket.com/albums/i315/Murcielago_01/canadiannavy-1-1.jpg

Oh give me a break.... Canada has a larger Navy than that. I mean, the HMCS Cataraqui Naval Reserve unit in Kingston alone has at lease 3 of these. Mind you, they can only be equipped with the .30cal machine gun OR the 1/4 hp trolling motor, not both..

[L-V]

Oh give me a break.... Canada has a larger Navy than that. I mean, the HMCS Cataraqui Naval Reserve unit in Kingston alone has at lease 3 of these. Mind you, they can only be equipped with the .30cal machine gun OR the 1/4 hp trolling motor, not both..

The fleet is Powered by MotorGuide, built in Tulsa,Oklahoma.

[bluellama]

At least we never let these guys recruit for us .... :26::26:
InBXu-iY7cw

[BlackJack58]

You'd better be more careful - our agents spotted the Canadian's submarine heading out onto Lake Ontario...

http://kinetickingdom.com/KK-how2/how2indexpix/19-USS-Yellow-Submarine.JPG

[T2x]

Dateline Tulsa 7/20/09 1PM CDT

Major Nelson Quicktemper, Commander of the Oklahoma (pronounced "Okelhomer" in rural parts of the state) National Guard, issued a terse statement from a classified location on the road to Quebec.

"We are making good time and we have proper GPS and navigational data. We crossed successfully through the Okefenokee swamp and are currently camped along a major interstate highway. Signs on the highway indicate that we are "350 miles from "South of The Border". The A-rabs have cleverly planted spies all around us who insist that we are in Eastern Georgia but we're too smart to fall for that nonsense. This can't be Georgia because the barbecue is nothing that any sane southerner would call acceptable, besides all the locals talk with a lisp so we must be near NEW YORK. A sign says "Gay Pride Resort", another clever ruse designed to throw us off the track, no doubt. I will say that some of the women are the biggest harriest things I have ever seen....it must be the cold Canadian winters....but dang, they have deep voices!...and shoulders like line backers. I asked one of them, who calls herself "Lipsyncha" where we could get some seafood and all she would say was a bunch of sailors are expected shortly. Then she went back to rehearsing bad Barbra Streisand songs.

My men are home sick...but still full of spirit...many of them are actually dancing...and Lord knows what else...with some of these ugly women! For some reason a strange hysteria has hit a few of them who were seen running bare *ssed naked out of the camp sites screaming "MA MA!!!!!" after a night of mischief with the ladies. My boys are ready for a rumble and them A-Rab, French Canucks better be shakin' in their hi fallutin' boots."

-Lester Leftwing (joint network reporter imbedded in the Oklahoma National Guard)

[C_Spray]

T2x gets all the inside information first.....

[T2x]

Dateline Valleyfield, Quebec 7/21/09 10 AM EDT.

A provocative statement has been issued by Brigade Commander Gordon "Gord" La Toulouse, Adjutant General of the Quebec Army de la Provence, and Supreme Commander of the Quebecois division of the Boy Scouts of Canada. "We weeel fight to zee death against any incursion on our hallow-ed soil. We have amassed an army of dozens along zee entire borders of NY, Vermont, and New Hampshire (The Maine border is considered too far from any form of civilization to warrant attention). Oklahoma has made zees false charges against one of our most rever-ed families, zee heirs to zee Count and Countess Bombardier, and we are outrag-ed. Any attempt to enter our sovereign nation---er---- provence will be met by swift and terrible justice. Our Navy surface vessel is prepar-ed, our single man attack submarine is deploy-ed, our Air Force plane is fuel-ed and waiting, and our tank is almost repair-ed after zee minor explosion in last week's "war game". it is fitting zat all of our attack equipment is made by zee Bombardier companies. Nussing can cross zee bord-air." After questions were raised that there is very little water along the state borders for the two naval vessels to patrol, Commander La Toulouse became defiant. " Do you not sink zat Lake Champlain could not be us-ed to attack our flank?????" When reminded that "Champ" the legendary sea monster and relative of "Nessie" from Loch Ness had apparently batted the Quebec submarine around like a soccer ball in a World Cup match last year during maneuvers in the lake, the Commander replied: "We have cured zat problem....We will feed him canned salmon and inlist him in our cause!" He added " We have had enough talk! Oklahoma has taken our best athlete, violated our treaty, and made jokes about our culture. Do you zink zat we will not retaliate...eh???? Do you zink zat we are not men.....eh????? You call us "frogs" and joke about our army. Well look around you. See zee fi-aire that our 122 enlisted men and 36,000 Boy Scouts have in their eyes....eh??? Do zay look like frogs to you....eh??? Now you must pardon me as we are preparing a large meal for zem....... perhaps you will join us....eh???? How do you like your flies prepar-ed?"

-reported by Sincerity Shampoo, left leaning correspondent for CNN imbedded in the French Republican Operational Guardian Squadron ( FROGS)

[Geronimo36]

"We are making good time and we have proper GPS and navigational data. We crossed successfully through the Okefenokee swamp and are currently camped along a major interstate highway. Signs on the highway indicate that we are "350 miles from "South of The Border".

:rofl::rofl:

[C_Spray]

Regardless of the outcome, the person at the helm or "SeaDoo for Dad" will always be a tool of the highest order.

[T2x]

Regardless of the outcome, the person at the helm or "SeaDoo for Dad" will always be a tool of the highest order.

Provocative statements like yours have caused bigger wars than this I'm afraid. Beware of a single man yellow submarine when boating in the future ;)

[Tom A.]

I have news from my man deep undercover in Quebec.
Apparently the "frogs" have found a use for all the emty salmon cans they have been feeding "Champ"!
Who knows what they will do with all those Boy Scouts!?

[T2x]

Dateline......... Kneivel Bayou, MD 9/9/09

The U.S. Coast Guard reported that all of its resources in the Mid Atlantic area have been involved for weeks in a battle with what apparently is a contingent of the Oklahoma National Guard. "We were on routine patrol back here in the bayou, when a bunch of Guardsmen opened fire on us." said Captain Stipton "Stippie" Cummersley, Regional Adjutant Commander of the Chesepeake and environs. "They keep calling us "frogs" and hurling tomatoes and dishes at our cutters." The Captain added "Fortunately they apparently ran out of live ammo in a melee at a Gay Summer camp in Georgia a few weeks ago. Unfortunately they also admitted half of the "campers" into their ranks with amazing results." He continued "Now every time one of our sailors walks on deck, he is greeted with whistles, and blown kisses from the camper recruits, and fusillades of tomatoes from the original Oklahoma group." "My men don't know whether to laugh or return fire." he sighed. Of greater concern is the fact that the Coast Guard has been unable to answer routine inquiries and provide adequate safety and border patrol services for the extended length of this conflagration.

"We have been in touch with Generals in The Arkansas National Guard, who apparently have experience with this kind of behavior from the Oklahomer's in past years" "They suggested that we hire some skywriters and paint "This ain't Quebec you Jackasses!!!!!!" across the sky", but our attempts have been thwarted by high winds and intermittent fog." "The best we could display read something like "Saint Quebec's Molasses"..... and that just made them more convinced that this was the U.S-Quebec border!"

The Captain , who was obviously agitated and suffering from sleep deprivation, was asked what outcome might be hoped for. He responded wearily "I'd like to bomb them back to the stone age....but they're apparently already there." He then walked away whistling the chorus to the old 50's ditty "Alley Oop-Oop-----Oop-Oop".

-reported by Sincerity Shampoo, left leaning correspondent for CNN imbedded in (and sleeping with) the Chesepeake Division of the U.S. Coast Guard.

[T2x]

Dateline Washington DC................... 9/9/09 1:15 PM

A spokesman for the Obama administration, ex-Chicago gang banger Linoleum Muhammed, announced today that the White House is taking "swift, decisive action" in dealing with the "outrageous" battle currently waging between the United States Coast Guard and the Oklahoma National Guard in Maryland. The President is "personally and on behalf of the American people" apologizing to the President of Iran, the King of Saudi Arabia, and the North Korean and Chinese People's Republics for these and other "shameful intimidation tactics" perpetrated by the United States both today and in past decades. The President, responding to "viscious smear tactics" from the far right, average taxpaying citizens, mothers, policemen, and other "fringe radical elements", stopped short of using the term "Great Satan" when referring to the U.S. Early draft texts of his speech included this label as well as frequent use of the term "infidel swine" when referring to "the dogs and jackals who used to run this country". Obama's spokesmen fervently disavowed any knowledge by the President of that version of the speech and placed the blame for the miscue on Tire Inflation Czar, Charles Manson....who when reached by phone at Leavenworth ...immediately resigned his post. Mister Obama did refer to Mister Manson, when questioned, with the categorical statement that he has used so successfully in the past..."I have no idea how he got into my administration, and that's a fact." This seemed to satisfy network anchors Katie Colic and Charles Glibson, but Oprah Windmill is scheduling a live interview with "Charlie" as his followers call him. "I think it's time we gave Mister Manson his release" she gushed. "After all , he's paid his debt to society, and the White House needs his passion."

In a separate conversation the President was asked why he didn't simply order the two segments of the U.S. military to stand down and return to their respective HQ's. "Can I do that?" he replied while searching nervously about for some kind of detailed printed response. The assembled, adoring reporters then reminded him of his title as Commander-in-Chief of the U.S. Armed Forces, to which he replied: "I am?...well how about that!"

More at 11..........

- Reported by Gilmartin Peevish, (PNN)Pravda News Network

[Ratickle]

I think there will also be more at 8:00 tonight........:sifone:


I think Maryland should send in their National Guard to help the Oklahoma National Guard........

[glh]

"Your all worthless and weak..."

[C_Spray]

The gloves are coming off now. Reports are coming in that the Oklahoma National Guard is sneaking into the homes of Quebec citizens at night and shaving the women's armpits. Husbands are reported to be dazed and confused when it no longer appears that their wives have hamsters living under their arms.

[glh]

The gloves are coming off now. Reports are coming in that the Oklahoma National Guard is sneaking into the homes of Quebec citizens at night and shaving the women's armpits. Husbands are reported to be dazed and confused when it no longer appears that their wives have hamsters living under their arms.I don't think shaving has been invented in Oklahoma yet.

They are to busy traveling back and forth to their out-houses, churning butter and getting their leechings from the two which doctors in the state...

[Quinlan]

Hell the only runnin water we have is when it rains and it RUNS down da streeet,
but all the buffalo are just chitin in it so we never get to bathe anyway.

[BOJOE2]

lmfao thanks rich

[glh]

As a gesture of goodwill in order to appease the fighting bad blood developed between those two fine backwards inbreeding commonwealth I ventured north this weekend with the rig in order to participate in joint Naval exercises.

Here we are progressing along side Quebec's finest Navy Hardware.....


http://www.offshoreonly.com/forums/attachments/general-boating-discussion/396220d1252928992-picture-lake-william-shoot-out-09-035.jpg

[T2x]

As a gesture of goodwill in order to appease the fighting bad blood developed between those two fine backwards inbreeding commonwealth I ventured north this weekend with the rig in order to participate in joint Naval exercises.

Here we are progressing along side Quebec's finest Navy Hardware.....


http://www.offshoreonly.com/forums/attachments/general-boating-discussion/396220d1252928992-picture-lake-william-shoot-out-09-035.jpg


Quebec's Navy is sponsored by Drambuie??????

Now it all starts to make sense...no wonder the Quebec naval pledge starts with "Wine, Women and Song....OOOO La La!"

By the way.....I love your pontoon boat.

T2x

[phragle]

is that a racing pontoon boat?? (fyi. they call those twin hulled racing pontoon boats cats, I think because they are so nimble) I couldn't help but notice the full canopy...

[Jayhawker]

is that a racing pontoon boat?? I couldn't help but notice the full canopy...

Newly designed octo canopy with quad wheel positions.:)

[glh]

Quebec's Navy is sponsored by Drambuie??????
That way they don't tax people more!!!