45Sonic
03-31-2009, 07:14 AM
To the Guy Who Mugged Me Downtown
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I
hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you
somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you
took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had
just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had
just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol,
eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't
it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants.
I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell
phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your
buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her
listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on
your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie
Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the
wallet itself in a dumpster.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on
your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut
down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now,
so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't
permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening
phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you
did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to
you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help
you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants.
What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder?
I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you
walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your
choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this
message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!
I was the white guy with the black Burrberry jacket that you demanded I
hand over shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend.
You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you
somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize.
I didn't expect you to crap your pants when I drew my pistol after you
took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that
evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had
just bought me that Kimber 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had
just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol,
eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't
it?
I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever
you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants.
I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell
phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your
buddies to come help you try to mug us again.
I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her
listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself some gas on
your card. I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie
Van Go Go's, along with all of the cash in your wallet, then I threw the
wallet itself in a dumpster.
I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell. They'll be on
your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Alltel recently shut
down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now,
so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't
permanently cut off your service. I was about to make some threatening
phone calls to the DA's office with it. Oh well.
So, about your pants. I know that I was a little rough on you when you
did this whole attempted mugging thing, so I'd like to make it up to
you. I'm sure you've already washed your pants, so I'd like to help
you out. I'd like to reimburse you for the detergent you used on the pants.
What brand did you use, and was it liquid or powder?
I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you
walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your
choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky. If you read this
message, email me and we'll do lunch and laundry. Peace!