Bgchuby01
03-26-2009, 11:32 PM
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
> > channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'
> > I said, 'Dust.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A
> > Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and
> > said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> > "No," she answered. I asked, " Is that
> > your final answer?" She didn't even look at me
> > this time, simply saying, "Yes."
> > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> >
> > And then the fight started....
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
> > lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
> > I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back
> > out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph,
> > so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
> > discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
> > back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with
> > a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather
> > out there is terrible."
> > My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe
> > my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
> > And that's how the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
> > alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
> > his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed
> > and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
> > believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
> > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
> > "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
> > So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which
> > one are you?"
> > And then the fight started.....
> >
> > *****************************************
> >
> > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
> > anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that
> > goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a
> > scale.
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
> > her someplace, expensive...so, I took her to a gas station.
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
> > apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter
> > asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I
> > looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
> > home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
> > have to go home and come back later.
> > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
> > my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
> > silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
> > she processed my Social Security application
> > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
> > experience at the Social Security office.
> > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
> > might have gotten disability, too.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
> > reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
> > drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
> > I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
> > those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
> > since.'
> > 'My Goodness!' says my wife, 'who would
> > think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
> > reason, took my order first.
> > "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
> > please." He said, "Aren't you worried about
> > the mad cow?""
> > Nah, she can order for herself."
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> > She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
> > husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I
> > really need you to pay me a compliment....' The husband
> > replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> > And then the fight started.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Average US Credit Score is 692.
> > channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?'
> > I said, 'Dust.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A
> > Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and
> > said, "Do you want to have sex?"
> > "No," she answered. I asked, " Is that
> > your final answer?" She didn't even look at me
> > this time, simply saying, "Yes."
> > So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
> >
> > And then the fight started....
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
> > lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
> > I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back
> > out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph,
> > so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and
> > discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
> > I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped
> > back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with
> > a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather
> > out there is terrible."
> > My loving wife of 10 years replied, "Can you believe
> > my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
> > And that's how the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we were
> > alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
> > his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed
> > and little things just seem funny? Yeah, well I couldn't
> > believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
> > He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
> > "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
> > So, I looked down at him and said, "Well, then which
> > one are you?"
> > And then the fight started.....
> >
> > *****************************************
> >
> > My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
> > anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that
> > goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a
> > scale.
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
> > her someplace, expensive...so, I took her to a gas station.
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
> > apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter
> > asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I
> > looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
> > home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
> > have to go home and come back later.
> > The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened
> > my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That
> > silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
> > she processed my Social Security application
> > When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
> > experience at the Social Security office.
> > She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You
> > might have gotten disability, too.'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
> > reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
> > drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
> > My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
> > 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.
> > I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
> > those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
> > since.'
> > 'My Goodness!' says my wife, 'who would
> > think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
> > reason, took my order first.
> > "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
> > please." He said, "Aren't you worried about
> > the mad cow?""
> > Nah, she can order for herself."
> > And then the fight started...
> >
> > ******************************************
> >
> > A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
> > She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
> > husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I
> > really need you to pay me a compliment....' The husband
> > replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
> > And then the fight started.....
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Average US Credit Score is 692.