Friday Funnies

[Ratickle]

1. American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"
2. Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.
3. You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.
4. You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.
5. Long distance companies don't call you to switch.
6. You look at your roommate and see a large fried chicken in tennis shoes.
7. You rob Peter...and then rob Paul.
8. You finally clean your house, hoping to find change.
9. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.
10. Your bologna has no first name.
11. You give blood everyday... just for the orange juice.
12. Sally Struthers sends you food.
13. McDonald's supplies you with all your kitchen condiments.
14. At communion you go back for seconds.

[Ratickle]

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural history museum.

"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.

To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."

A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?":huh:

"Simple...there was a piece of paper in his hand that said - put me down for 10,000 Shekels on Goliath'.":eek:

[Ratickle]

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now & we don't know where the hell she is!:huh:

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again.

I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven't lost a pound. Apparently you have to show up?

I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing.

I don't exercise at all. If God meant us to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.:reddevil:

I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

The advantage of exercising every day is that you die healthier.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

I don't jog... it makes the ice jump right out of my glass.:cheers2:

[old377guy]

the second set kinda sounds like some Dean Martinisms! or maybe Jackie Gleason

[rschap1]

I don't jog... it makes the beer all foamy.:cheers2:

:)