Ratickle
01-30-2012, 02:37 PM
For those of us who sometimes drive on the road like we're still in a race of some kind......:driving:
Never Answer Like This...
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas):)
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!:)
Are You Andy or Barney?
Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's ?
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?:leaving:
If you'd try the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight.
Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!:eek:
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.:driving:
When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?"
You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
What? You need a license to drive?
Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!
Is your power a penis substitute?
Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.
Oops...I thought you were a prostitute.
Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a fruit or vegetable?
A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind.
I pay your salary!
Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?
Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal.
Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me.:sifone:
In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.:eek:
Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either.
Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut.
Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?
There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.
What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol.
That uniform makes your ass look really big.
You don't happen to have any beer in your car?
I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
:leaving:
Never Answer Like This...
I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas):)
Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!:)
Are You Andy or Barney?
Is it true that guys become cops because they can't work at McDonald's ?
You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?:leaving:
If you'd try the stuff I just had, you wouldn't be so damn uptight.
Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!:eek:
Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.:driving:
When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?"
You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
What? You need a license to drive?
Wow, no wonder your wife sleeps around, with your breath!
Is your power a penis substitute?
Yes, I know my driving is not 100%, but you have to agree that it is still pretty good for someone who is completely drunk.
Can you come back in 5 minutes? I'm in the middle of a telephone conversation.
Oops...I thought you were a prostitute.
Do I have any fruits or vegetables? I don't know. Is cocaine a fruit or vegetable?
A hundred dollar fine? Well, I think George Washington can change your mind.
I pay your salary!
Did you pull me over because of the drugs under the seat, the body in the trunk, or the burned out tail-light?
Whoops, that's the fake one... here ya go, this is the one.
Gee, that gut sure doesn't inspire confidence.
My gun fell off my lap and got lodged on the gas pedal.
Hey, is that a 9mm ? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum!
Do you have any idea how much of a hurry I'm in?
You're lucky this car needs a tune-up or you'd have never caught me.:sifone:
In California we drive like that all the time, what's the problem?
I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.:eek:
Well, those two other guys didn't stop for that school bus either.
Yes, I saw your lights on, but I thought you going to get a doughnut.
Just had to try out that new siren, didn't you?
There's no way I was going 85. I had the cruise set at 80.
What's wrong, Ossifer? I swear to drunk I'm not God! And really, there is no blood in my alchohol.
That uniform makes your ass look really big.
You don't happen to have any beer in your car?
I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
:leaving: