laugh today

[imco offshore]

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and
he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker
if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is
no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled
smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that
is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified
to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after
death, when you don't know crap?"

have a great day all,,:USA:

[teamsynergy]

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said 'did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yep,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a Safety violation. The cop said, 'Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you got there, Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes, he sure did,' chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.'

[rschap1]

Bet that ticket was more than $5

[MacGyver]

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and
he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker
if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is
no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled
smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that
is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified
to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after
death, when you don't know crap?"

have a great day all,,:USA:

:sifone::cheers2:

[600sci]

man goes to hospital and tells the nurse in the ER completley shocked... " I ONLY HAVE ONE BALL..THIS MORNING MY OTHER ONE FELL OFF "
the nurse huge eyes..and says WHAT..let me see !!!!
after checking him out she says .." sir your totaly fine WTH where u drinking ...the man says u are not qualified, i need a real nurse..she thinks what the hell and gets the supervising nurse...
SAME THING HAPPENS........
again he gets told there is nothing wrong.......he sais u all have no clue ....
pissed off the supervising nurse gets the doctor...
The doctor asked the man " Sir, with all due respect, what is your problem ? "

The man answers..
" well Doc, u know the times are tuff , the weather is ****ty....so i thought to kill some of this ****ty time with fun i go to the ER and let some nurses play with my balls !!!!!!!!!

:cheers2:

[JJ Apache]

:eek:

:D

[Ratickle]

:26::party::26:

[rschap1]

Ya gotta have a plan :)

[imco offshore]

if you make someone smile ,,you,ll have a great day
their has to be more than 3 jokes out their,!!:biggrinjester:

[Bobcat]

I once fell asleep in a confessional, when I woke up my pants were on backwards.

[Ratickle]

I once fell asleep in a confessional, when I woke up my pants were on backwards.

You must have been young and better looking.......:D

[Ratickle]

if you make someone smile ,,you,ll have a great day
their has to be more than 3 jokes out their,!!:biggrinjester:

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00.

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.

[imco offshore]

i like it Paul

[600sci]

PAUL, AWSOME !!!!!!!!!

:party::willy_nilly::D:cheers2:

[imco offshore]

http://mail.aol.com/34007-311/aol-6/en-us/mail/get-attachment.aspx?uid=28081060&folder=NewMail&partId=1

[clayinaustin]

oHK-ioV8UE8

[PARADOX]

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted, and stormed off to work.
By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

[imco offshore]

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said "Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I sat up and watched him all night."

The third night was JimBob's's turn. JimBob was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Hey JimBob, what happened. You look rested?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went over and tucked Bob in, rubbed his ass and kissed him good night. ****in' Bob sat up and watched me all night."




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[Ratickle]

Good one....


Here's one for all the retired folks, read and learn......:sifone:

>Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days
interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into
town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
>
>He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a turd. He
glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a sh*t-head.
>
> He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the
first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about
20 minutes.
>
>The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote...










Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and saw the car had an Obama sticker.








We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired... It's important at our age.

[Bobcat]

Liked both of them:sifone:

[MOBILEMERCMAN]

This is pretty funny.

http://www.youtube.com/embed/NA-ST8nXl4U?rel=0

[Ratickle]

That is.... I'm surprised one of them didn't smash it....

[Bobcat]

Those bulls won't give milk anymore:(


What I want to know is what that white cow did to impress the others to let him run in that posse!:26:

[fund razor]

They "jumped" him in. :D

[Ratickle]

Token white cow......

[phragle]

so what do you get when you cross an elephant and a hooker???
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A 3/4 ton pickup.......

[Ratickle]

The Storm...



They were together in the House. Just the two of them.

It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.

She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.

Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out.... She screamed...

He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.

The storm raged on....

They knew it was wrong...Their families would never understand... So consumed were they in their FEAR that they heard no opening of doors... just the faint click of a camera......

:eek:



:eek:




:eek:



:eek:




:eek:



:eek:



:eek:


:eek:

[clayinaustin]

Too funny! :cheers2:

[old377guy]

[QUOTE=Ratickle;561745]The Storm...



They were together in the House. Just the two of them.

It was a cold, dark, stormy night. The storm had come quickly and each time the thunder boomed he watched her jump.

She looked across the room and admired his strong appearance...and wished that he would take her in his arms, comfort her and protect her from the storm.

Suddenly, with a pop, the power went out.... She screamed...

He raced to the sofa where she was cowering. He didn't hesitate to pull her into his arms. He knew this was a forbidden union and expected her to pull back. He was surprised when she didn't resist but instead clung to him.

The storm raged on....

They knew it was wrong...Their families would never understand... So consumed were they in their FEAR that they heard no opening of doors... just the faint click of a camera......


my God, even your boating expertise is eclipsed by by your literary prowess!

[Bobcat]

This at the Scrub Club Massage Parlor on Duval..in fine print:boobflash:

[Ratickle]

This at the Scrub Club Massage Parlor on Duval..in fine print:boobflash:

So you figured it out after the third or fourth time you had to pay it?????

[Ratickle]

my God, even your boating expertise is eclipsed by by your literary prowess!


Wish it were mine, I'm no where that good.


Bobcat may be though.....

[Bobcat]

:sifone:

[Blue Oval]

What's up with this Mike?

[Ratickle]

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" he said to the bartender. "We got her!" replied the barkeep. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right.":)


The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and two beers. He grabbed the beer bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!" Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.:sifone:

"How do you know I want to do it in that position?" asked the miner.:confused:



"I don't," replied the whore, "but I thought you might like to open those beers before we get started." :eek:

[Bobcat]

OWW!