Bobcat
02-15-2011, 05:34 PM
"Suicide Bombers to go on Strike"
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike
on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to
in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to
produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda
announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive
after his death will be cut by 25% this February, from 72 to only 60. The
rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of
suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers union, the British Organization
of Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this
was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.
General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally
working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much
in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he currently
resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a
position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of
modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
"Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins
in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying people off. “I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell
3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect
their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down
to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims
know what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.
Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike
on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to
in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to
produce an agreement. The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda
announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive
after his death will be cut by 25% this February, from 72 to only 60. The
rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of
suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers union, the British Organization
of Occupational Martyrs (BOOM) responded with a statement that this
was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.
General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, "Our members are literally
working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don't ask for much
in return, and to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth."
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, in which he currently
resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained,
"We sympathize with our workers concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a
position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of
modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.
"Thanks to Western depravity there is now a chronic shortage of virgins
in the afterlife. It's a straight choice between reducing expenditure and
laying people off. “I don't like cutting wages but I'd hate to have to tell
3,000 of my staff that they won't be able to blow themselves up."
Spokespersons for the Union in the north east of England, Ireland, Wales
and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect
their operations, as "there are no virgins in their areas anyway."
Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down
to the emergence of Scottish singing star Susan Boyle - now that Muslims
know what an actual virgin looks like they are not so keen on going to paradise.