Texts From Last Night

[jayboat]

The hits just keep on coming.

(404):

No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.

[jayboat]

(304):

You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a sh!t in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.

[jayboat]

(425):

It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

dolla???

[jayboat]

(402):

consequently i now know what mace tastes like

[jayboat]

Man, I'm doin' all the work around here.

[DollaBill]

(425):

It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.

dolla???

LOL. Hey I was asleep early last night and up at 5 this morning. I have biz to take care of LOL. Now tonight and 2mrw might be a diff story...... hahaha

[jayboat]

(608):

sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

[jayboat]

(847):

I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet

[jayboat]

(314):

The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b

[jayboat]

(646):

it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there

[jayboat]

North Carolina gittin' er dun...

(336):

you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fvck one of them

[jayboat]

(508):

i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.

[jayboat]

Aaaaaaand Florida!!!

(561):

I can't believe he would be such an ass
(1-561):

Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.

[jayboat]

(603):

Dude just bought condoms some sad fvck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places

[Davidmnc]

North Carolina gittin' er dun...

(336):

you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fvck one of them

At least it's not her cusin!

[LaughingCat]

(614):

halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'

[LaughingCat]

(916):

She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad

[LaughingCat]

(314):

I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.

[jayboat]

(847):

I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.

[jayboat]

(901):

I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole