Texts From Last Night

[MacGyver]

(386):
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance

[MacGyver]

(519):
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"

[MacGyver]

(724):
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.

[MacGyver]

(520):
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. ****. Yes.

[MacGyver]

(513):
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.

[insanity]

(949): ****. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
11:31 AM Sep 14th via web

[Dude! Sweet!]

Everytime I see these, I think to my self "I didn't know my ex girlfriend texted from so many different area codes"...

[MacGyver]

(732):
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

[MacGyver]

(313):
Howd you meet this guy?

(612):
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.

[Ratickle]

(732):
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

[Dude! Sweet!]

(732):
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

So classic. If I had a dollar...

[MacGyver]

(413):
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.

[MacGyver]

(401):
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..

[MacGyver]

(518):
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!

[MacGyver]

(781):
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.

[MacGyver]

(+44):
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.

[MacGyver]

(508):
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate

[MacGyver]

(214):
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?

[MacGyver]

(847):
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..

[MacGyver]

(859):
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.