Texts From Last Night

[Perlmudder]

(609): Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.


OWNED!

[jayboat]

(514): just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.

(770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

(905): You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
(1-905): Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.

(314): rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?

(226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

(214): The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much

(813): I'm f*cking your sister right now.
(1-813): You motherf*cker
(813): She's next.

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

[Perlmudder]

(775): before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.

[LaughingCat]

(650): Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)

[X-Rated30]

(770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

(226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

(813): I'm f*cking your sister right now.
(1-813): You motherf*cker
(813): She's next.

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

Got to be some of my favs...

[jeff1000man]

(514): just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.

(770): I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.

(905): You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
(1-905): Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.

(314): rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?

(226): forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

(214): The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much

(813): I'm f*cking your sister right now.
(1-813): You motherf*cker
(813): She's next.

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

770 & 226, have to be put on the all time list

[jayboat]

I got a feeling this site is gonna be a daily stop for a while...

(510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...

(973): Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.

(421): And she was only 16?
(1-421): You say that like it's a bad thing.

(416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

[jeff1000man]

I got a feeling this site is gonna be a daily stop for a while...

(510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...

(973): Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.

(421): And she was only 16?
(1-421): You say that like it's a bad thing.

(416): Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

What site is this?

[LaughingCat]

textsfromlastnight.com

[Mark]

(805): at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fu*k buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fu*k buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.



Good stuff over there! Thanks!

[Mark]

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

[nifoxke]

(773): is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
(773): it's more of a rinse.

(212): chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.

(718): My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.

[augie58]

punt I want this at the top

[Dude! Sweet!]

(805): at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fu*k buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fu*k buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.



Good stuff over there! Thanks!

I seriously need to draw out an organizational chart to follow that one... I'm not 100% sure, but I think some dude is F'ing another dude at some point in that story...

[Bobcat]

insert banjo music here !

[jayboat]

(208): I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome

[Dude! Sweet!]

insert banjo music here !

Ask Tank about "the 8-0-5" and people don't think California has hillbillies!

[X-Rated30]

(602): You can't motorboat a personality

Truer words were never spoken.

[jayboat]

(225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
(504): Who won?
(225): All of them.

(904): Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
(1-904): wtf?
(904): It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'

(515): He f*cking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.

[Perlmudder]

(225): I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
(504): Who won?
(225): All of them.

i laughed at that one today!