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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you ****ing asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. **** drinking on tuesdays.
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...

    (1-816):
    Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.

    (816):
    that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
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    Charter Member MacGyver's Avatar
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    Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
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